Grand Theft Attention: Telephones

I thought 5 minutes was pretty good until my friend told me that he knows a guy who’s actually gotten up to 74! I’m not sure I believe him, but it brought up the question, “What exactly are the rules?”

Since there’s no technological barrier to stop them and the laws against this are generally unenforceable, what can you do about it? You can play the game I’m inventing called “Grand Theft Attention”

I’m talking about dealing with chronic telemarketers.

You must be receiving an illegal telemarketing call, the details are at http://www.fcc.gov/cgb/consumerfacts/tcpa.html

If you are on the Do Not Call List, have no business relationship with the company calling you, have previously attempted to opt-out at least once, or are on your cell phone. Game On!

The odds start out stacked against you, since phone calls are cheap even from other countries. That means that the only way to level the playing field is to consume resources on a balanced level… If they’re going to waste your time, you have the right to return the favor.

The goal is to see how long you can keep the caller on the line. It’s not as easy as you think. When I first started on that single day when I received 4 unwanted phone calls I wasn’t very good at it. I tried the first things to come to mind. They hung up on “stuttering guy”, “marginal idiot”, and “Mr Please Slow Down And Say That Again”. Those were all too easy and I couldn’t break the 3 minute mark.

Other modifications to the rules include a 20% points bonus for calls to your cell phone (since it costs money)

Unfortunately, certain charity and political calls are exempt from the law and theoretically exempt from the game. But, since they hire firms to do the telemarketing who should really know better anyway do you think those calls should be allowed in the game?

What other rules would you suggest in “Grand Theft Attention?”