…A Friend Of Dan

In my life, there are a few moments I would consider as “mileposts.”

Recently, an old friend that I hadn’t seen much in the last twenty years passed away. He was a definitive person, talented, and with such a unique personality that while many of my memories faded, I always remembered who he was and why he was special. When I bumped into him at a party a couple of years ago, it was a great feeling to know that he was still there, and I should have followed up on it. I’m envious of his friends who remained close because he really was a great guy and they were able to enjoy him more. I love hearing their stories but wish I’d had more of my own to share.

As I was growing up, I never really felt like I belonged to any particular group. My group of friends in grade school just defied any particular description. Most of them held together through middle school but I moved away for just one year and when I came back had no idea where I belonged.

High school was full of more defined groups and identities and I suppose I was looking for that. I wound up identifying with a group that was arguably the most visible.

Since then I’ve done a lot of things, been a lot of places, and met whole lot of people.

I don’t remember as much from high school as I thought I would. You could say that we had a strained relationship. Unfortunately, it seems to remember me all too well and there are many things I hope it forgives me for.

On Wednesday, I had an unusual opportunity. The group of friends who are basically the evolution of my friends from grade school (some subtracted, many added) were gathered together. The first thing that struck me was that I was having a really hard time recognizing people. Since I’d moved out of town twenty years ago and hadn’t been back much I had too few memories of these people between graduation and now. Aside from Facebook I had no connecting images of them and in twenty years, people can change.

What didn’t change was their personalities and I’m grateful for that on many levels. I learned many things that I hadn’t expected to on that day. I refreshed my memory of what great people they are, articulate, smart, caring, and full of personality. Each one unique but as a group even more so. I found myself chatting with people that I hadn’t identified as my closest friends in school and feeling like they actually were, even twenty years later. Either I had just been away too long and forgotten or I’d misplaced my identity back then, I’m not sure.

What I do know is that these opportunities are far too rare and they often come at too high a price. It’s unfortunate that we wait until we are forced to come together rather than find ways to make it happen. Social networking has effectively removed the excuses for not reconnecting.

I just hope that it’s not too late for the rest of us, that we don’t wait for the next necessity to bring us together.

Because the identity I never knew I was so proud of is still …”a friend of Dan.”